i dont even know where to begin. i guess the start would be the most sensible move. so today marked the end of this whirlwind romance. it was a classic case of too fast too furious. it was done distastefully on msn, doing it in person would have been my personal choice. Gives the end more character doesnt it? it's kinda weird, how i reacted. i just laughed it off when he told me, i was saying " hahaha okay, if you say so " and i proceeded by asking how his day was. the conversation continued with a series of ridiculous questions on my part and spurts of laughter in the most inapporpriate places. this is why i wouldnt have done it on msn, its so fake? it makes reality sink in at the speed of a moving glacier. sigh. thinking back now, i feel quite bad faking it. like it didnt matter and that i couldnt give a flying fuck about whats going on. clearly, i did see this coming and i was sort of coming to terms with it. but maybe i should have put in more emotion into the conversation, more sad smiley faces and "sighs" instead of "hahahaha" i guess. i dont know, it's not like i've become immune to this whole thing, like i'm some robot but its just that i cant do it over msn. i do care really, maybe i'd cared more if it happened like a week ago, hell i would actually be bawling my eyes out thinking abt it but im not. im calm collected and c____? ( sorry i cant think of another c word to coomplete how i feel )

the afternoon was dreary, time was crawling like a snail and it didnt help that every single mother song on tv was about love or heartbreak. god are you there? please stop it, you really arent helping, you know. -___________-" and i had an infuriating conversation at night, it made me think a lot about what has happened and what is to come. it made me realise that this wasnt anybody's fault. he was going through the phase of chasing his dreams or whatever you wna call it. and gfs ( urgh, i hate that word ) uh having a companion (?) was a mere want, something which was inconsequential? and i'm a very impatient person and i hate to be kept waiting. sometimes, i wish you'd learn to prioritize and realize that humans are sometimes more important than activities. but wth, i might be just like you some day. i've tried to be as mature and understanding about your busy schedule and your excuses but nonetheless i think you're stupid you know. it feels so good to say that. i wish i could tell it to your face, but i cant cause i dont even want to look at you ( for fear of throwing acid in your face..zzz ) and more importantly, i deleted you off my msn. stupid. i told my sister about what happened and i really like what she said. when he said " do you want your things back? " ( he was referring to the stuff i gave him. ) she said i should have said " yeah i'll donate them. they're better off with the less fortunate. " hahahhahaa. hot stuff. but of course, i said no.

hard life i tell you, like dog.

hanabanana!
xxx